Hookah...Alcohol...HER

 H.E.R. smh you will get me in trouble every time.

A lot of people get weirded about meeting people through dating apps, but I say at least you can block them unlike meeting them in person lol.  Anyhow, he said, "if you come over, I will cook and we can have a drink."  What, ladies, cook? Yes, count me in. Now I am nosy when it comes to anyone cooking cause it's not me, let's just say H.E.B. is the goat and this guy was an oven master (smh lol). 

As we sat down and watched black box I believe it was, he asked me what would I like to drink?! I told him, "I'm drinking whatever you drink, I'm getting as drunk as you, and if you not getting drunk I'm not either. I'm matching your energy!"  He nodded and started pouring it up. Everything was feeling really good. When I say that I mean the night and energy of it all. After we ate he asked if I smoked hookah. If you've read any of my blogs the last time was back when I met Zaddy! Anyhow, I said sure why not and just asked he ain't put nothing in it that I wasn't sure about. He is a goofball lol talking about it ain't nothing but THC lol. Whelp the night really begins.

We finish watching the movie and I'm just devouring him with my eyes but only massaging his shoulders. He asked me what I wanted to do next and I just said, "let's dance!" Boom first song: Boosie Nasty (eye roll). We were grinding and laughing and whatever it was cool. And then H.E.R. Damage (ugh)! Now we started slow dancing facing each other. We are just talking and staring into each other eyes and literally the next thing I know we are kissing. His thick pink lips all over mine. How drunk was I when I'm announcing I'm not trying to have sex? (Can I get hella eye rolls please). I said, "I'm not trying to have sex but I will suck it." Lordy, Danni shut the fuck up. I'm on my knees blowing, sucking, slurping, gagging. And before I know it we are on the floor in the living room...

Man should I even finish this smh it was a great night!!!!!

Drunken nights 2

And will be our last night...

Although this may be recent, my memory is failing me.  But What I do know, I consistently asked you to take a shower with me.  Why do we love the shower so much?

I love your body and it calms me...what's your reason?  I got the water started as I always do.  I got in super drunk, feeling giggly, and calm.  You finally got in, drunk too almost falling getting in. I love these nights, and I flatten up against the wall to make space for you underneath the waterfall!

We share laughs and I put my arms around you and I kiss you while the water intakes us.  I brought you closer to me and then placed one hand on your dick.  I began to stroke it back and forth...back and forth.  It was a little weird because we were facing each other.  I then started massaging your balls and you started kissing my neck.  Sucking on my skin.  Making me desire you even more.  I placed your dick in between my thighs.  Placing it right on my clitoris so that I could be the motion of you back and forth. 

You know about this clitoris stimulation? Yes, this organism was real.  Never once having had you inside of me.  You slow stroke me back and forth. Lord, I controlled the speed and went fast and I went slow.  You were still kissing me and sucking on my neck.  It felt like ecstasy. I felt this overwhelming feeling taking over me.  It was a surge of hotness and I grabbed you harder.  I exploded but not like the squirt.  It was equally amazing.  I felt lightheaded and you seemed as if you didn't even know what happened.  It was funny and then reality hit, the shower water was cold.  We rushed the wash-up and got out.  We never put clothes back on and got in the bed.

Tell me what happened next cause I don't remember?

starts with a C ends with a S

I took a while to write about this particular person because this is one of the very few people I had that amazing chemistry with.

I met him off of Craigslist believe or not and I guess for him it was suppose to be just someone to talk to but that turned up to not be all at the end of the day. 

When we first had sex, it definitely was planned lol I asked him could we have sex and he said sure.  I picked him up from the airport that night and we stopped to get him something to eat and then back to his place at the time.  It began to get later and later and of course I was nervous.  He started kissing me and taking my clothes off and his body felt so warm and good on me. Once he got my clothes off he stood up and started taking his clothes off.  When I say his body was gorgeous and his ass was so phat....I could've died laying there lol.  He put the condom on and climbed back on the bed.  I saw his dick but I wasn't ready for what it felt like.  When he slid inside of me he was so hard that I felt like he was digging my insides....it was a lot to handle.  I kinda didn't even want it anymore lol.   I loved having sex with him after the first night of sex.

Shower Time

My! What a day that was.

Did you know you could have this much fun in a shower? Probably not if your girl don't ever want to get her hair wet.  But you knew I didn't care, it's just hair!

I remember asking you to take a shower with me.  You kind of looked at me like "what" but you said sure. You loved to see me walk through the living room naked and I loved seeing you naked even more.

I got the shower started and rinsed as I waited for you to come in.  I know how guys say women like the water scorching lol but no that's not me.  We traded places so you could get under the water.  I hugged you from behind.

I loved what happened next.  We faced each other both under the water.  I backed up against the wall near the faucet while you were completely under.  We kissed and talked and laughed and I loved this part between us.  We seemed so relaxed and meant to be.  So after a while, we went to start cleaning ourselves off.  We laughed and joked.

WAIT REWIND!

Do I jerk you off before or after? You know what, I'll make this story mine and say I'll continue.  So we laughed and joked and once you turned around to rinse the soap off, I turned around and started to kiss your back.  I kissed your shoulders.  I kissed your neck.  I loved that you let me love you completely this way.  I reached around the front of you and took the length of you into my hand and started to stroke it back and forth.  Still kissing your shoulders and back I traced with my tongue as I continuously stroked you.  I went slow and I went fast.  I went with what your breathing told me.

Do you find it amazing that me pleasuring you makes me moan? Yeah, you got me that way.  I just wanted to feel you!  I stopped and said, "just put it inside of me!" If you don't know by now, water  (H20) inside of a vagina does not go together lol. Did I get dry? Sure! But before that became a thing, when you put yourself inside of me I knew this would be all that I dreamed of.  I just wanted you.  I knew we were getting into it because I got on my knees in the shower making you have to do the same to stay inside me.  Right as I started to feel like I was getting dry, you mentioned you felt like you were gonna cum.  I said, "no lol don't do it we just literally got in this shower for nothing then lol."

Were we in that shower for nothing to begin with? Probably because soon as we got out the shower we went to the room and started back up.  You ate me like your dinner.  The blinds were open because you know that's just how I am.  You beat it up "AS IF IT WAS YOURS".  You came.  I hope it was good to and for you?


Sincerely Shaking My Head!

Drunken Nights 1

Do you remember?

Cause I barely do.  It normally happens this way.  I love to drink but I'm more into the wine setting.  I'm a lightweight so it doesn't take much to get me "drunk".  I liked this feeling, didn't you?

As our weekends usually began, if we were on good terms.  We would go to the liquor store if I already didn't buy something or if you didn't already bring something.  We'd watch a movie and vibe with each other.  You were the kind of guy to always wait for me to make the move.

So, I started kissing your neck.  I climbed on top of you and kissed you more.  I started unbuckling your belt so I could suck on your dick. While on top of you I leaned down to take you into my mouth.  Your head went back and you let out your sound of relief.  Not because you were finished but maybe because I finally gave you some action.  I then slid my underwear off and slid you inside of me moving the couch back and forth, back and forth.  I wanted more of you.

I got from off top of you and I wanted you right then, I took the closes blanket and put it on the floor so that it wouldn't be so bad on the knees. I slid the table out of the way and got on all fours and waited for you to take me.  You fumbled getting them pants off but you gave me what I desired.  I was just wet for you and you slid it right back in.  Could you deny my moans? You kept going deeper, roughly putting all those inches in me.  I loved it.  I loved you!

Do you remember how I got the scar on my knee? Yep, that was us! That blanket didn't help for shyt. My knees hurt so I know yours had to.  But, I wasn't going to tell you to stop.  You laid on top of me flattening us out.  I turned my head up so that I could give you deep kisses.  I mean I wanted your spit.  You held the side of my face so that the kisses were properly reciprocated. I teared up!  I started saying, "I love you, I love you so much. You make me feel so good.  I know we haven't been good to each other but I can't be without you!" You said you loved me too.  I pushed up so that we could get up.  I took the blanket, put it on the couch. Grabbed you by the hand and "lights off" in the room we went.  I started taking the rest of my clothes off.

Do you remember the rest?  Cause I blacked out, I don't remember!

With Someone Else

Why is it so bad that I want to see you with someone else?
You look at me crazy as I say it but what is keeping you from pleasing me?

Are you protecting my feelings or are you hiding yours?
I want to see you with someone else.  That feeling that you give to me, is it real or is it just of familiarity of knowing how I should act during the act.

The slow stroking, the circles.  Having me majorly arch my back because I'm trying to receive every ounce of you.  I want to see you with someone else.

Will you fuck her like you fuck me?  Will you both emotionally be in sync? When you fall in will she bounce it back?  Will her moans be of equal pleasure or will it be of fakeness?

I want to see you with someone else.  Why is it so hard to do?  Do you think I'll cry or make you out to be a cheater even though it was something I asked?  Do you believe you'd care her more than you intended?  Would we become emotionally detached?

No, I'm not a sharer but I got to know the passion you dish out.  I know your dick is beautiful, smooth and lasting.  But I just can't help but wonder, "what are you like through the eyes of someone else?"

When you confess that you are close to finishing, is it because sexually it was really good that you couldn't take any more or is it because you are bored and want no more?

I have to see you with someone else.  I know all pussy ain't the same so I don't expect all the same outcome.  I just have to see how you really move!

Please fuck someone else!

Can you make me cum?

So are you telling me that all you had to do was treat me nice, get me drunk and relaxed off hookah?

Yeah I guess that's all it took.  I guess from the first time we had sex it was bound to happen this way right?

I was so drunk that the only thing on my mind was sucking your soul from your body.  Asking you why did you still have those shorts on you nonchalantly responded with because I was waiting for you to take them off.  So I smirked and pulled you close.  Sitting on the couch, I grab your shorts and pulled them down.  To my surprise and just the exact way I like it, no boxers on.  You wait for me to get it hard. So I gladly take a mouthful of you.  I love it! At the back of my throat.  To the tip of my tongue.  You are my everything.  I'm twisting and jerking your dick all at the same time as getting it wet with my spit. 

I guess you felt like you couldn't take it anymore when you picked me up and let me wrap my legs around you.  You walked over to the bed and laid me down.  You began disrobing me and as soon as my naked body was freed, you warm my pussy up with your mouth quickly.  I tried to run away but you just weren't having it.  Grabbing my legs and pushing them into my chest.  Making it even harder to move, I had to take the tongue lashing.  It was so intense is the only word for the description.

The deal was that this sex would last longer than our first time but I didn't believe it would.  Contrary to belief you mastered just that. After I tapped your shoulders and push your head. My signals justified I couldn't take anymore.  It was marvelous, I just didn't know it stimulated me the way it had.

I slid up closer the head of the bed and bent over.  You are taking me the best way you are but it wasn't really doing anything for me so I don't know if you are liking it any.  It was like you were pounding my tightness away or maybe you were pounding so hard that it made me tighter maybe even drier.  I can't deny that I just enjoyed doing this with you. 

You proceeded to let me turn over.  I laid on my back and you then inserted yourself into me that way spitting on this pussy before diving it. Yeah you were talking that good shit.  Nothing to crazy but just confirming if the speed and time was to my liking.  But my mouth was so dry from all the moaning that all I could do was node my head.  I lifted my legs up bringing this closer to my head and it got you deeper inside me.  I could tell you liked it because the moan was undoubtedly the best sounding thing I ever heard.  You shit talked me until I think you knew I was good and ready.

You asked, how does that/it feel.  I was able to gain some water in my mouth and said it feels like I'm about to bust/burst.  And you never changed that angle speed nor care.  You hit that spot consistently until my dam broke.  I flooded.  I could feel my inner tightening up around you, me squirting massively, and my body as a whole just tensing up.  You slow stroked all through me cumming. 

Soon as my episode was over.  I was done.  But I knew I couldn't have my cake and eat it too.  I most definitely had to share it with you.  I cared about you.  I did get drained though, almost just laid there and asked you to hurry and cum.  I knew it felt rushed but you fucked me up.  That night was miraculous.

Zaddy Dick😋😋

Sometimes Girls Like It Kinky

I walked in your door and took my shoes off.

You instantly told me to get on my knees.

What's the roles? Dom and Sub.

What did I call him?  Sir.

What did he call me?  Whatever he at that moment desired.

He told me, "get on your knees bitch!" and I said, "Yes Sir!"

I got on my knees but I guess I didn't move fast enough for you so you smacked me in the face.

I knew it was real.  You said, "This what you wanted right slut? suck this dick!"

I said, "Yes sir!" and you forced it down my throat.  Tears came to my eyes. I couldn’t use hands.

The smile I started out with faded into something unexplainable.  I wanted to cry and say quit,

but the night before this was exactly what I asked for.  You smacked me in the face with your dick then forced it back into my mouth  and as soon as you found yourself moaning,

you yanked your dick away dragged me by the arm and threw me on the bed.

All of what I asked for, I didn't know stimulated my body in ways I couldn't imagine.

You had me on the bed ripping my clothes off and you were already naked.  You grabbed a

condom and jammed yourself into me.  It was intense is the only way I can describe it.  A little talk

here and there and asking me, "this what you came for?"  Have your eyes ever been so tight that it

hurts? smh!  He had my knees to my chest.  I didn't even know I was so close to climaxing.  He

pulled all the way out of me and as soon as he went back in, simultaneously the condom broke.

I heard it pop, I felt the actual him, the heat ran through my body.  This undeniable desire.  An incoherent feeling.  That declared itself, "THE BEST ORGASM EVER!" And there  I cried.

And shook, I could no longer put words together.

Have you ever wanted to be in the fetal position?!


                                      That is what you call.....daddy dick!!!

Kissing you....imagination

I can imagine us having this unbreakable desire for one another.
I can feel the tension between us every time we're near each other.
I know what that first night was like when I started kissing you......

It started something like I came over with whatever your heart desired.
I waltzed in with my sexy lace black high heels.  Yeah I know kinda typical
but I know this night is sexy so what else can you expect.

As you set down on the couch I climbed on top of you and there I started kissing you.
That kiss was the most explosive feeling I ever felt in my entire life.  Good Lord (smh)
It was the slowest most sensual kiss and it was over so fast and when my eyes opened and
you looked so piercingly into my eyes (babe *exaggerated*) lol and then again the kissing
started.  Damn!!!

And then I could feel you growing between my legs and being that I had those Victoria Secrets
on I could feel you touching my lips and not with your hands. I began to ride you slowly while you began to suck on my neck.  As your tongue and lips traced my chin and then neck...The hotter
my body got.  I wanted you more and more the later the day got.

I slowly got from off top of you and took you by the hand and led it to the bedroom. As we walked to the room you start pulling off the shirt.  And that body was everything I could ever think of.  But as you walked I looked back and seen everything that was awaiting me.  Yes! I started to get excited and my mouth started getting very wet.  You grabbed my arm as we entered the threshold and pulled me
closer to you and started biting on my neck.  You know I love this shit.  I wanted to submit to you
right then.

I stopped you and looked in your eyes kissed those thick juicy chocolate lips of yours then traced
my kisses down your body.  Using my tongue when I could, attempting to make you feel
better than you ever have in your lifetime.  Near us this beautiful bed but the floor is overpowering
the feelings of comfort.  On my knees and I submit.

Devouring your manhood down my throat.  I heard the best moan I have ever heard.  I unwrapped my lips quickly and placed you in my hands.   Now massaging your manhood I looked up at you.  I asked you are you OK  and then you grabbed the back of my neck drawing me closer to you.  First I
spit to get it nice and wet making it easier to fit all 9 inches down my throat.  I wanted to love you with my mouth.

The back and forth motions...the spitting and slurping...the tonguing and deep throating.
Your eyes rolling your hand getting tighter around my hair pulling on it cause it feels so go.
The harder and harder you got I knew you wanted to have me.  So you then stopped me.  Picked me
up off my knees and slowly walked me to the bed.  You laid me down so gently.  You made me
feel so wanted.  You looked down at me while over top of me and kissed me.

Slowly kissing down my neck down to my breast.  You pulled my bra down to lick on my nipple and nipple ring.  Then moving to the next.  Having you between my legs was all I could ever ask for.  Everything else was only up to you.  You touched my body to softly and then placed your fingers
on my *yours*.  Every part of my body was *yours*.  Like I did for you....You submitted to me.

Kissing down my stomach and down to my thighs....you liked to tease me.  You stood before me like a dark knight ready to approach, and slid me closer to you.  As you got down on your knees in front of me...ripping my panties off...You placed my legs on your shoulders.  Going in...you went in with determination and I loved it.  Your tongue felt so warm and there you tasted my body...all of it.

In and out your tongue went....gently sucking on my clitoris, the moans filled the air.  That bedroom
was no longer existing.  I  still felt like I was all yours.  You could do anything you wanted to do right then.  You dominated my body and I am a willing participant.

You killed my pussy without even placed *yours* inside *mine*.  You placed my hand on your head...wanting me to pull you closer...But I couldn't make you do what you were already doing.  So you decided for a change of view.  You slid your tongue from inside me laid on the bed and said, "come sit on daddy's face baby!"  I happily obliged.  Still having had those heels on, I quickly took them off.

I slowly placed my lips on your lips and you kissed me so sweetly.  Reaching for my breast, I took my lace black bra off for you daddy and then you placed your strong soft warm hands on my breast, squeezing and massaging me, making your queen feel just amazing.

You placed your hands on my waist moving my body back and forth all over your face.  That tongue was nothing to mess with and I never would have thought.(smh)

You finally moved me off of you bending me over so quick.  You arched my back, grabbed my hair and asked, "are you ready for me?''  I couldn't say I wasn't because you tasted so good of course I had to know how you felt.  So I spoke, "yes!" so exhausted like.

So you laughed, stroked it for a sec and slapped my ass with your dick letting me know...here it comes.  As you slipped the tip in, I flinch.  And you just kinda giggled because that arch you once had turned into a hunch.

With those strong magical hands, you placed one hand on the arch of my back and the other you used to grab the back of my neck.  Slowly sliding into me.  I was so wet so it wasn't difficult but rather pleasing for you.  You were half way in when you spoke, "you are so tight and sweet."  Making my body quiver...I couldn't say anything so I just said, mm-hmm.

Deep in it you were moaning like my pussy was the best thing you ever felt.  It was simultaneous then love in the air that is.  My face deep down in the pillows now biting the pillows because you are just so big the pressure is incredible.  You grab my hair pulling me up straight.  You fucking me from behind now grabbing my throat biting my earlobe...licking my neck.  You know all I could ever want is you. Beating it up I gave up.

So you pushed me down flipped me over kissed my lower lips and then spit on your dick.  Before sticking it in, you smack my lips a few times with the tip.  Spreading my legs wide apart you slid into me.  The moans again filled the room.

Never asking me if I was done or if I cared for more...you fucking me and I know you wanted to bust.  I could feel the veins popping out more and more.  It began to feel a little uncomfortable but for you I knew it meant more than anything.  You spit on my pussy getting it wetter and your moans did indeed turn me on...you placed your hands around my throat real tight slamming yourself inside of me.  Close to blacking out I just gave in.

The closer you got to cumming you never asked me where I wanted it but I was just fine with that...Because I'm here for you baby.

Of course I came awhile back so I been stopped worrying about me.

I began to feel something warm inside of me.  and the
sound of finally releasing filled my right ear.

It was over and Then I awoke to only
that being my imagination.

...almost believed in love again

This is for you babe.

We met in January and all we were supposed to do that night was Netflix and cuddle.  But it was more like pick a movie from the collection and cuddle lol.  The later it got that night the more touchy you became.  You rubbing on my breast and thighs and stomach made me extremely hot for you.  But I didn't want to fuck you because I just didn't want to take it that far.

We did the hanging out thing again and the same rubbing and touching occurred the later it got.  You were so nonchalant when I texted you the same night and told you how much you made me consistently want you.  You reminded me that there was no rush but the next time we saw each other, we fucked lol. Funny how things work out.

When I got pregnant in February and asked you did you want to hear something funny, you listened and the first thing you said was, well I can only have boys.  I laughed and texted back, that you weren't the one that got me pregnant so no worries.  I did mention that I wasn't keeping it but I guess while I was pregnant you wanted to take complete advantage of what you had.  That night we fucked, you told me how bad you wanted to cum inside of me.  You asked me and I said no.  I know you were a little upset because so was I.

The reason for this blog as well as its significance to me.  You almost made me believe in love again.
Although the kisses we eventually gave each other didn't feel like anything for me.  Your company alone made my life a whole lot better.  You treated me with so much respect and want that over the course of time I really began to confess my love for and about you.  You knew exactly what to do even on the worse days.  You brought so much light to my life.

This is pretty much an apology letter that you will never see.  Once I began to feel these feelings I knew for a fact you didn't feel the same and I began to separate myself from you.  I know you could feel it.  From the flowers you bought to me to the outings to the sex and your sexy as moans(oooooooo) to the giving the keys to your apartment.  I felt like you were everything I ever needed after so long of not knowing.  You felt right and I just knew it wouldn't last.  I'm sorry for everything I ever I did or didn't do or said or didn't say.  But you have to own up too. 

I can't wait to find my Mr. Wonderful!!!!

R.I.P to past relations

June-July we ended

The "D"

I'm making this Title like a play on words(a pun if you will) lol because I honestly forgot this dudes name, I just remember it started with a D lol and I could be wrong but not like it matters.

Even though he did cross my mind on this day.  And the significance is because of his lips.  I somehow ran across his IG maybe or something a while back.  And this guy was extremely handsome.  So I searched for this Facebook page(when I did have one) and hit him up.  I was nervous because I automatically knew he wouldn't write me back.  Like I'm mediocre as hell and he was just so fine.  We wrote each other back and forth and I think my initial message was: your lips are amazing.  Or something along those lines.

Long story short he said I should taste them and I agreed.  He gave me his number and we began texting.  He might have been the same day or maybe the next but I eventually gave him my address and he came over. When I met him outside it was a nice night and he was leaning up against his car.  We had general conversations and I swore up and down he was a tad tipsy lol but let him tell it...he wasn't.  Anyhow after conversing of course it was getting late and I was tired and began for the house ended it with a goodnight.  He said, "so I can't get a hug at least?" and I laughed and was like, "I guess." I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek even though those thick juicy lips were definitely on my mind.  He was tall, dark and gorgeous and the way he stood over me was just consuming.  He grabbed me and went in for the kill.  When our lips connected it was just that magic I just always dreamed of, I knew I wanted to fuck him right then.  It was just a connection I just didn't feel in a long time, I felt wanted possibly even needed.  But it won't that deep lol.

That same night he admitted that kiss did something to him as well.  Like it was meant for our lips to be together.  He wanted to fuck me right then as well.  As time went on we planned and planned to eventually get together and just get it done.  But every time he played me out.  I grew to not care anymore but still wanted to know what the "D" was like because when he sent me the Dick Pic I was like, "yes lawd (in my drake voice)" lol.

Long story short with this, He finally made time for me one night/morning.  He left me hanging that night but showed up in the morning.  I guess he had duty or something maybe he showed up tired as hell.  You know when I look back on this, I wish it would've happened on better terms lol.  He fell asleep on the couch while I got ready for the day.  After I had my clothes on ready to go he eventually woke up and told me to sit on his lap.  He apologized for leaving me hanging but I honestly didn't care.  I don't know exactly how we ended up on the bed but that's where we were when he somehow started between my legs.  Licking my pussy...yeah it was nice but I wanted his dick in my mouth.  so I pushed him off.  He started up towards my face and put his dick in my mouth.  Fucking my mouth and throat so good.  He tasted amazing just like his lips did the first time.  He eventually fucked me and the way he did it made me feel like a fucking object...a slut bucket if you will smh.  Yeah that was the one and only time I slept with this man.  Like his dick was nice but I guess that connection just wasn't what it was.

All well that ends well

XOXO

Mom...not to be!!!

The reason I named it this way is because I am currently no longer pregnant.


It all started February 8th.  I had drill that weekend and got a hotel room to technically be alone but just to be closer to my unit as well.  I hate that drive so early in the morning.  Saturday night I kik ole dude to come over and just sleep with me.  When I say sleep that's exactly what I meant.  He asked if I meant fucked but I said, "I didn't mean it that way but if it happened oh well lol."  He eventually came over that night and him laying next to me didn't mean a thing I just hate sleeping alone.  Now this guy that I'm talking about, I've written about him before on my blog.  So for us to have sex this night it felt just as good as it did before maybe better lol.  I'm not going to get into any details of that night because it's not pertinent.

February 9th, the next morning.  I think I didn't have to report until 7 or whatever the case may be.  I started to rub up against him and kiss his lips and so on.  He eventually woke up and got the picture.  Before I had to go he made me feel so amazing right but the last position landed me in a lot of shyt.  I was on top of him, riding him.  Yessss...mistake.  He told me, "I'm about to cum!"  and I heard him but I didn't think anything of it because before I was told I couldn't get pregnant.  So this didn't phase me.  But he came inside of me while I was on top of him.  His eyes got wide like shock, nerviness, and disappointment maybe?  So I got off went to the bathroom to clean off and push out his cum.  It never came out but I still didn't think about it.

Moving forward 2 to 3 weeks.  I was supposed to get my period about the ending of the month.  I was counting it down.  I started feeling cramps and my boobs were starting to hurt so I was excited about it, thinking like if I get my period I know I'm not pregnant.  So the 25th came and I said OK well I got at least one more day and if I don't get it (smh).  I bought a pregnancy test that night.  The morning of the 26th came and no period.  I opened up the pregnancy test and used it.  A minute later and the results where "you are pregnant."  I was shocked, not sure if I was shocked(happy) or (sad).  Maybe a little of both.

That morning I kik him, no response.  So then I texted him basically saying, "when you get the time we need to talk."  I wanted to see him face to face but I'm guessing between the last time we saw each other and the time I found out, nothing has been going his way.  He eventually responded back and I think he knew exactly what I wanted to talk about.  I told him and let him know I wasn't going to keep it so no worries.  He pretty much asked me did I set him up blah blah blah...hilarious.  Eventually, he wanted to know why I wasn't going to keep it. (We are not ready and I don't even like you like that).

Anyhow  March 21st.  I ended up getting an abortion.  Almost 2months pregnant.  It really hurt my feelings to have to do this.  But throughout the whole time, not once did he willingly check up on me or anything.  I stopped worrying about him a while ago.  It hurt because I had to have my baby literally yanked and sucked out of me.  I'm still upset because it could've been my little girl that I want so bad.  Well I let him know that everything was over and done with and now it's like he wants to talk to me.  I don't care to see him though.  SMH!  My due date would've been November 7th.

R.I.P.

my child

Mommy is sorry!!!

I wouldn't let go....

Until he kissed me.

I took a while to meet you.  Those Internet dating sites don't really do any justice so I was scared.  I was going by your profile and you seemed like someone I wanted to get to know.  I finally took it for what it was and agreed to meet you and "hang out".  I told you before you came that I didn't want to see you because I was horny and figured it would be a bad idea to come see but you insisted that you wouldn't do anything and we would just watch some movies.

I wanted to just fuck you actually and go about my business so for you to say we would just watch movies lol I knew we really wouldn't.  Once you came to pick me up I thought you were as adorable as your profile made you out to be.  But I learned by just looking at your phone that something about your profile was just a lie.  We talked on the ride back to your place.  All cool or whatever the case may be.  You let me know ahead of time that you were staying with your homeboy or whatever but the shock was that your homeboy had his girl and child just all up over the place lol I didn't know how to act.  Before we started to watch the movie I caught a glimpse of your screen and I seen a child and started to shake my head...I did actually hope it was like your nephew or something but when I said that his homebody child was cute he made the statement that his kid don't look better than your son.(smh)

As we laid there watching movie 43 lol (crazy movie) you wanted me to get closer to you but I really didn't want to.  But he has long arms so it didn't matter.  I didn't get closer to him but he reached down to my ass grabbing my ass and fingering my pussy.  It didn't really feel like anything but it was kinda wet I guess lol because you asked me, "what's that noise?"lol He started to tell me that he was  hungry but I already knew he was hungry because he's stomach was growling mad loud lol.  But he asked if I could feed him lol I didn't understand until he stood up and asked if I could make him full lol smh

He eventually got down on his knees pulled my sweats down and stuck his tongue deep inside of me and began to eat me he felt nice.  I did moan a little but I did tried to keep it in.  He wanted to know what my pussy felt like but I didn't want to let go.  I try to keep my legs tight but he was just whispering, "relax!" but I couldn't.  As much as I wanted to have sex I didn't want to do it with him.  He had an amazing body and I was shocked that his dick was big smh I hate that lol. Anyways I had my knees tight and tucked and he was trying to break through but I wouldn't let go until he leaned down and kissed me.  His thick lips all over mines made me feel so wanted.  I think I started to feel some way about him.  See him in a whole different light.  He felt amazing just after that one kiss.  That was all I ever needed.  I rode on him but it hurt because of his size.  During sex he asked me would I be his and I wanted to say yes.  I definitely wouldn't mind us being more than what we started out to be.

Long story short...as he took me home he let some information about him go and I wasn't sure of the information giving.  I wasn't comfortable and I penalized him for it because honestly hearing that all at once I just wasn't ready.  I really would like another try but I doubt it because I did avoid him twice so far...I apologize and that wasn't fair to you!!!

That night

You asked me to stay With you I told you I had drill in the morning and I got there so late I definitely didn't get any sleep.

This night reminded me of the night me and ol' dude use to have.   So finally making it there all you wanted to do was cuddle and talk but I just wanted to cuddle and fall asleep.  We watched a few movies laughed and dosed off.  You woke up and shook me if I'm correct telling me to talk to you.   You knew I was tired and had drill and insisted on keeping me awake lol. You were telling me how you felt and about your family and son and bad encounters with females and blah blah blah.

I don't remember how we began to talk about sex but question that lead to this story was: do you prefer short and fat or long and skinny.   Halfway sleep having this conversation, I had to think hard about it and said I would rather have short and fat... You laugh and as soon as that decision was made you said oh OK. You started asking me about spots and where mines were and touching me. You started licking me and kissing my body and when you halfway sleep anything would feel good... You started taking off my clothes... Long story short.... You placed your penis in my pussy and when I felt it I was in shock because it really was fat.... Can't lie your dick felt amazing even though it was short... You had my pussy sore that night lol.

Afterward I fell asleep and so did you....it was getting closer and closer to wake up and you woke up before me.  My Alarm wasn't the alarm on my phone but you force your dick inside of my tight sore pussy.  It's nothing better than that kinda sex.  You made me feel amazing that night.   It sucks it ended the way it did but I guess everything for a reason right.   I won't mind having that night again with you though;-)

How I been feeling

I haven't been good lately and felt like I should just get this off my chest.

Nothing has been seeming to go the way I'd like not necessarily planned.

Just all the working and getting nowhere the still haven't been able to go back to school

thing is killing me emotionally.  And the fact these fucking humans just keep pissing me

off just makes me madder.  Haven't had my car in sometime now.  The feeling lonely

every day and every night.  I just don't have the support system I'm needing.

Honestly how I been feeling is pretty much like dying.

I figured if I wasn't here any longer I would be at peace but suicide would just

be the easy way out right?  smh....I guess.  But I think about it every day.

From the consistent financial obligations and to the emotional attachment I don't have.

 I just feel empty.  Wanting to be happy for my girl and her first child but I can only be

so happy because I'm stuck on jealousy.  Yeah shit is real but I'm living.  Life is not hard

it's just the people in it that makes me feel like it is.  Not having a chance at anything better.

Yeah I hate myself and I hate my life but it's mines...I wouldn't want anyone else living it.

Weird sex

I don't even know why I'm calling it weird sex but maybe it's because when we first met in person you figured I'd be totally different then what I was.  Probably even a man trying to be a girl only because that's what you wanted to believe.  You said you couldn't believe how I was still single and trust while I was sitting in your "spaceship" I couldn't see why you would still be either.

I'm the type of girl that loves ass...a phat ass...and trust I noticed that walking around the rite-aid with you.

When we first emailed we knew that all it was ever suppose to be was just sex...but seeing how it was so good the first time we continued to see each other and continued to have sex.  Anyways...once we got back to your place, we just listened to music and you tried to figure out some songs that I kinda knew the title of. 

You told me you were going to the bathroom after trying to put your uniforms together for work in the morning. You definitely was wasting time lol.  Once you came back in from the bathroom I was already in my bra and boy shorts.  I think you were shocked...but a good shocked lol I told you to come to me and I started to kiss you on your neck and things.  You know your lips were the best lips I had in a while...but this was 2 years ago(almost).  You honestly were the best sex I had in a while.  Sucking your dick felt the best, hearing your moans when I put it deep in my throat or sucking on your balls.  Your moans drove me crazy. 

Let's not even talk about the moans you made when I would ride you.  FUCK!!! you made me appreciate sex more than anyone had honestly.  You always wanted to taste me but you know that's something I would never let you do(until I finally let you and it was kool:-).  Yeah good times good stuff...I wanted to be your "ole lady" but I didn't know how to be with you and the whole military thing and never knowing the type of people you hung around when you went out....I pushed you away but I tried to fix it...I could only do so much and with that said it's no reason why now we should even try to be friends.

The night you were drunk and we fucked and you came inside of me and slept in that shyt!!!  And I started to feel weird sometime after.  I knew I wouldn't get pregnant.  But when I asked you how you would feel if it did happen and you told me:  you know I aint ready for anymore kids right now!!!

In other words WTF!!! pretty much and a double HELL NAW...I knew we just wouldn't work.  You're gorgeous weird sex and I love those lips eyes smile and ass weird sex but it is what it is and we are what we are....NOTHING!!!!

Head

This is just something I love to do....whether it's a man or a woman...it all gives me the same feeling...ACCOMPLISHMENT!!!

One incident in particular that I wanted to share tonight was with a guy that I met online.  I forget his name and really don't care but he was kind of different to me.

He had told me after having sex that he usually don't deal with black girls and at the very least girls as dark as myself.  So i definitely felt some type of way lol.

Anyhow...He gave me a few pictures of his dick and I was kinda amazed and once I seen that thing in person...I definitely was shocked lol it was long and had some weight to it.  I definitely tried to give it my all and apparently I did a damn good job because he told me so.

I always get the same comments about my sex but I always think it's so bad.
>my pussy so tight and/or my head is great< blah blah blah

I deep throat his dick a few times...jacked and sucked at the same time...went back to throating it to licking sucking the tip....I can actually say I had fun with his dick.  And to fuck him and make him cum and then get him hard all over again...

Yes I can say that was amazing lol!!!!

More about Me

I've always been the type that's wanted to care for someone.

I would do anything to make someone happy that's why I always knew I would be a great friend a good girlfriend and an awesome wife.

But getting involved with someone was never my strong point.  It's always been the wrong timing.
Someone would want to be involved with me but I'd be too scared or just not ready or I'd be completely ready but no one would be thinking about a relationship when I was.

I'd talk to people and try to get a feel for them but then they'd leave once we'd have sex.  So then that started turning me into the girl I am today.  Horrible horrible horrible!

After a long string of every temporary guy, I started being that temporary girl.  I'd meet a very nice man and not intentionally but all I'd ever want is sex.

I've never been the type to want for anything but everyone would want something from me.
I  started to change into a person I'd never wanted to be.  I hate the person I am today.

But inside, I know I'm still that girl that just wants to love care respect and support that one man that wants and needs me just like I do him.  I love to please and nurture.  I love to cook and amongst other things. And in return all I want is your time.  Whenever you'd have it. I don't ask for much just some honesty and understanding.

Unprotected

Once we got use to each others company, I guess you could say our feelings started to become real.

Starts with a C and ends with a S and I started to go out more.... movies dinners grocery shopping the mall every and anything with each other... You could definitely say we were technically dating but to him we weren't.

I came to his place just like every night and we watched TV together in his room.   I don't even remember this particular night and its details but of course that night we were about to fuck. We were kissing and all and he went to reach for that condom.

He began to put it on but I snatched it and threw it.  I'm so glad we were on the same page and ready to take it to that level because I was so Horny and wet that when he slid his dick in I knew he felt great.  The back and forth motion of him all inside of me. I never wanted to let this man go.

And once we began to be unprotected he never let one drop of cum escape my body.  The first time he asked me were I wanted him to cum and of course I moaned,  "inside me".  And that's what he did and all he ever did. I wanted him to eventually get me pregnant.  He knew my body so well.

After a few months my body started feeling weird but it was nothing and glad it was nothing because after a whole 6 and a half months of us being together every day.... To find out this man was married....I could've murdered him smh.

#stillnotpregnant

He always reminded me that he still loves me and wanted me to have his child even though he's still married.  LOSER!!!!

Random Sex

I call it random because all my sex very recently have been just fucking random.  I met this guy online and he was stating that he was in the military and due to leave to afghan real soon however he wanted to get someone pregnant and leave his place to the person he impregnated.

I was very interested because at that point in my life I definitely tried the whole getting pregnant thing. This night was actually amazing because I got to do everything I wanted to do with this man.

When I got to his apartment, nothing was in the house except the sheets and comforter he slept on.  We sat and talked about him and the whole military thing and what he expected out of a woman and everything was everything.  We moved from the living room after a period of time and into what you assume is the bedroom lol I say assume because again nothing was in the whole apartment.  Anyways there we were again talking about his family life growing up so on and so forth.  He was actually pretty kool though but cocky for someone that was semi attractive. 

(eventually)He wanted me to start taking off my clothes simply by stating...why do you have all those clothes on lol.  He started trying to kiss on me but I pushed him away and told him let me do what I want.  I began with a massage.  I love using my hands and I covered every part of his body when I gave him this massage...He told me that I was doing a good job.  I then started to lick on his body.  I told him to turn over so I could do the front and he happily obliged.  I began to lick and suck on his neck, he started to get hard.  I licked my way down.  He was one man that loved for his nipples to be teased and I enjoy that because I love a man that moans as well.  His dick was real hard now...so while his boxers were still on...I traced my tongue and lips up and down his dick.  He was throbbing so I stopped and climbed on top to ride him just a little while my panties were still on.  I know he wanted me so I went back down, pulled his dick out and began sucking.  I love to give head it's crazy.  His moans were so reassuring, I started to deep throat his dick.  I got his dick real wet. He wanted to fuck me.  So I climbed on top again...but this time pulling off my panties and sliding his dick inside of me.  I swear this man and this situation felt too good to be true.  We did like a hundred and one different positions in that room of his.  Last position was me bent over.  He was fucking me so good and then I heard, "ah I'm about to cum!" and all I could say was OK.  He told me that he was going to cum in my pussy and I just didn't care and he let go.  He kept me bent over for a while to let his cum drip down all the way inside me. I then got nervous lol.  but it didn't phase him.  We chilled and then we went back at it again...fucking forever...or felt like anyways.

It went from a massage to me being on my back lol this sex was quite mind blowing with a random stranger.  After he came inside of me one last time.  He told me this was the best sex he's had in a while with a younger girl and that he wanted me to get pregnant.  But guess what...

#neverbeenpregnant